There is a giant fly in my room. In all my years I have never seen a fly so big. It is more like an airborne rat, a flying blob of death and disease. It makes me shudder and scratch at myself just to look at it.

But how can I rid my room of this hateful beast? I have tried turning all the lights out and waiting til it goes away- no result. I have tried to catch it with a cup-like vessel and a piece of paper (AS exam results), but again, to no avail.

The only option left seems to be to shmush it with my bare fist, or whatever club-like object comes to hand. But then there will be a great dark smur of fly innards on my beautiful fish-swimming wallpaper.

It seems the fly and I will just have to learn to accept one another and co-habitate in peace. Or at least maintain a healthy distance from one another. But if I wake up tomorrow with pustules erupting all over my face, shivery and frail, you know why.

The fly did it.

New Franz Ferdinand single... so... goddamn... FUNKY...

I want to go to a piss-up with the Franz at an art gallery. PLEASE.

Right, must go wash now as Leila has promised a Reading update somewhere in the region of 9.30pm, and I'd rather not be in the shower when she does so.

Exam results = :) x5

Same with my friends, so we are all so smug and self satisfied someone should really slap us.

Well done if you got happy-making results! And if you hear some arse saying GCSEs are getting easier and it's so much easier to get As these days and blah blah blah, do me a favour and smack them in the head for me.

What's in your Ipod at the moment?
A bunch of pretentious indie bands.

How'd they get in there?
We squashed them.

Hahahaha my sense of humour is lame. http://www.sayhitoyourmom.com/faq.htm for similar such faqs, from a pretty good band.

I haven't updated for so long because, to be quite honest, I can't be bothered.

I hope your Summer is good, anyway. I might tell you my GCSE results next week. If they're good, and if you're nice.

There are few things in life more distressing than painful orthodontics treatment. Except for stuff like terrorist attacks, starvation in Niger, kidnappings etc, but I was talking about things that are personally distressing to me.

Today's orthodontics treatment ranks highly on the list of Bad Things. Oh, the pain. I can't drink water without it hurting. I had to forego an extremely tasty lunch in favour of soup, as anything more solid would cause me to scream, loudly.

Anyway, he changed the wire, tightened it, cleaned a couple of brackets with a drill that simultaneously hurt my teeth and my ears, and then said:

'Ah. There's a problem.'

WHAAAT? You ARSEHOLE, if the last 10 minutes of PAIN were a WASTE then I will fucking KILL YOU, I think.

'What is it?' I say.

Turns out that the structure of my jaw is wrong, so that the only way I will ever have perfect teeth is if I have corrective surgery. Like, no way.

So despite the 3 or 4 years I have suffered already with this goddamn metal in my mouth, let alone any future ones, I will never have a presentable smile.

Lame-o-rama.

On a happier note, the new ok go video nearly made me piss myself laughing. Please enjoy.