I know this is a couple days late, but really it's something that can be said whenever:

I'm never gonna know you now, but I'm gonna love you anyhow

Love you Elliott

XO

P.s If you don't know who I'm talking about, go look.

Jeez. I've started writing this particular post, then deleted it, about five times in the past hour and I'm getting increasingly annoyed each time I do so. It's because I'm rubbish at talking about things that actually matter, rather than the meaningless trivialities that make up my own life. The truth is, important things fucking terrify me. If I can't make some lame joke about it, I don't want to think about it.

But, at the risk of sounding like the cliched moral at the end of some crappy TV programme, sometimes something happens that forces you to think about the really important things. And consequently you realise that what you may have thought was important, (eg bad test results, missing out on seeing your boyfriend, whether that boy will finally gets round to asking that girl out, etc,) REALLY ISN'T. I know that this is pretty standard knowledge, but I sometimes get so bloody self-involved that I forget this simple fact and end up stressing about nothing. And I'm so, so sorry for doing that, because I know that compared to so many million billion other people, my problems don't even begin to register. I'm not saying that I'll stop worrying too much, because that would be a foolish, unkeepable promise due to my fallible human nature, but I'll at least try my hardest to keep things in perspective.

Well, that was embarrassingly earnest. Sorry. But I felt it should be said. I don't really want to write about what's been going on the past two weeks of my life now, nor do I want to write about what made me be so embarrassingly earnest to start with. Instead, I'll suggest that you go find someone you love, be it friend or family member or partner, and give them a hug so big they'll think you'll never let go. Because you should never, ever have to.

Usually I like coincedences. I like the feeling that things all slot neatly together in some kind of huge cosmic jigsaw puzzle. If I believed in God, I'd take it as irrefutable evidence that He exists. However, if I were to use coincedences as proof of the Almighty, then judging by the incredible RUBBISHNESS of the one He set up for tomorrow, He has a rather warped sense of humour and I wouldn't want Him to be the Lord of all creation anyway.

In short: tomorrow is the first opportunity I have had to go out with fabulous new boyfriend Tom. 'Hooray!' I think, 'How fantastic and wonderful!' Then, half way through looking at cinema times, I remember that tomorrow it's my mother's sodding birthday.

While this is usually something I could talk to her about and work around, unfortunately she is not in the country. She is in Singapore, as of last Saturday, and will be for the next two weeks, and I promised her that I'd phone her on her birthday. And due to time differences, I have to do so immediately when I get home from school, else phone in the middle of the night. Which means no going out after school, which leads to feelings of guilt for disappointing Tom, guilt for forgetting my mum's birthday and then being angry at her for having it tomorrow, and of course intense sadness on my own behalf.

If you're up there, God, screw you.

I have decided that despite its minimal readership (ie 1-2 people), my much neglected blog deserves some loving. So here is an entry. It won't be very long, nor exciting, but at least it's here at all godammit.

The last month of my life has been OK I suppose. I may get so much work in 6th form it makes me want to cry, but there are good things about it as well, such as free periods, coffee machines and very nice people to talk to. We'll have to see whether those things are enough to get me through the year.

Shit. I'd write more, but now I'm too concerned about the chemistry I haven't done yet so shall do that instead, at the risk of angering/ concerning my father who thinks I am working too hard. This is not true. It is not a case of working too hard, it is a case of pissing my time up the wall, so I have to work late to make up for it.

Incase you weren't aware (you should be), The Pixies are spiffy. Thanks Tom :)