Dear _______,

Please could you stop showing off your love bites to your friends at every available opportunity. As I share a form room with you, I cannot help but see them too and I really, really do not wish to do so. I know that my personal associates (and quite more people besides) agree. While I'm all for everyone finding love and happiness with another living soul, I do not want to see the evidence of it. Especially as my stupid over-active imagination likes to take an idea and run away with it, no matter how much I try to supress it.

Oh! the mental scarring!

I hope you know that this is not a personal attack; I speak in your best interests, as I would hate to see someone finally lose patience and scream at you 'GODAMMIT, FOR THE SAKE OF US ALL, PUT IT AWAY!!' Please, I beg of you, seriously consider taking this request on board. Or else, get your boyfriend to have a decent meal before he sees you.

Best wishes,
Alice